Less of me, more of You//Más de Ti, menos de mí

Boundaries are a topic that has been a process for me, as growing up and for many years I did not have or am still learning about. There are many situations that have happened and come up in my being called by the Lord that has been a cause of the lack of boundaries or understanding of boundaries. Jesus had boundaries as he was God. The world does not teach us to have boundaries or a dividing line, as it teaches us that everything is about us, how do we feel good and care for ourselves instead of caring about what the Lord thinks and doing what is right for him and with him. But this understanding does not happen until we have an encounter with Jesus. Becoming a Christian is getting rewired to the image of God, it covers all the areas, and it wasn’t until a recent event that because of the lack of boundaries, self-control, and trying to please people and not God; I fell into situations that left me burned out and discouraged. The word boundary came up as he place me somewhere where it was me and him. I remember that when he first called me he kept reminding me that HE is the savior and not me. I am understanding more and more the term rebirth which is explained in John 3 so clearly, take the time to read it and ask the Lord to help you understand what HE needs you to understand. For me accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior has been a literal re-birth, undoing a lot of the worldly beliefs and being filled with the way we were originally created to live and be filled with, which are the fruits of the Spirit, which are so clearly stated in Galatians 5, take the time to read them, but we can not get those or have them without an encounter with the Jesus, as I was led to state before. This happens when we do what it says in Romans 10:9, take the time to read Romans 10.

All of the life values I did not have, have been taught by the Holy Spirit now. With the surrendering of my life to Jesus every day there is so much that has been instilled in me by the Holy Spirit so it can be taught to others. Yes, we are attacked from every angle but the more we are filled by the Holy Spirit and his words and teachings the more we can go thru those attacks without so much falling into the temptations and therefore sin. (Take the time to read the blogs called Temptation and the Other Sin.) I have to admit that setting boundaries and self-control have been such a challenge for me and I am praying to understand it more and more every day to continue being an ambassador of the Holy Spirit. Whenever you see me teaching about a topic it is also because I am learning or have gone thru it myself. Here is some of the information that was gathered about it, as the Holy Spirit helped me understand and learn more about it, as well in this season of the answering of the Great Commission, which is the call the Lord gave in Matthew 28 and I have been called to answer.

A boundary is a “dividing line.” In geography, a boundary is that which marks the end of one property or jurisdiction and the beginning of another. In interpersonal relationships, a boundary is what divides one person from another, so that each can have separate identities, responsibilities, and privileges. A boundary creates the necessary “space” between individuals. Healthy boundaries define expectations and show respect for others.

Biblically speaking, boundaries are related to self-control. The Bible commands us to control ourselves, whereas our human nature desires to control others (Titus 2:12). If left unchecked, our natural desires run roughshod over others. Personal boundaries help to limit our selfish inclination to control or manipulate others. Likewise, boundaries protect us from those who have no self-control and who wish to control us. A person with clear, healthy boundaries communicates to others what is and is not permissible, saying, in effect, “This is my jurisdiction, and you have no right to interfere.”

Boundaries are about taking responsibility for our own lives. God gives us the freedom to choose to live within His boundaries or outside of them and to live outside of God’s boundaries means to accept the consequences. Living inside God’s boundaries brings blessing, and living outside of them brings destruction and death (Romans 6:23). Adam and Eve had one boundary in the Garden of Eden: abstain from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The Lord gave them the freedom to remain within His bounds, but they chose to overstep the boundary and sin. Their response to God’s revelation of their sin was to blame someone else rather than take responsibility for their lack of self-control. Eve blamed Satan, and Adam blamed Eve (Genesis 3:12-13). Boundaries limit destructive behaviors, and that is why both God and society have laws and consequences for those who overstep those laws (Romans 13:1-4).

Boundaries are also helpful in parenting. Setting healthy limits for children will protect them (Proverbs 22:6). Unhealthy boundaries tend to be controlling and selfishly motivated. Boundaries should guide a child to individuate into the person God created him or her to be. Boundaries allow children to develop an identity separate from their parents within the safety of their family. Without an identity, people “vanish” into other people or expect them not to have any differences.

Children often feel boundaries are “mean” when they are immature. When they grow up, they usually realize the boundaries were to keep them safe. Adults who were raised without protective boundaries often feel that someone saying “no” to them is “mean,” because they never learned self-control. Naturally, when children do not get what they want, they are disappointed, but learning to accept “no” from others is essential to godly character; however, setting boundaries with children must be done in loving ways in order for the child to feel loved (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21; Titus 2:4). The Lord’s instruction for parents is that they teach a child boundaries (Proverbs 19:18). Boundaries help a child see that life is not about pursuing what he wants but surrendering to the Lord and following Him. Boundaries set with unconditional love will teach children to surrender to the Lord because they trust God knows what is best and will bring true contentment.

Boundaries teach us to accept one another as being different yet still valuable. God uses boundaries to help us appreciate the differences in people rather than be upset by them. A godly friend tells us what we need to hear, not necessarily what we want to hear (Proverbs 27:6). We are free to be ourselves with others if we control ourselves. Boundaries are not selfish when we use our freedom to serve and love one another because we are keeping our own flesh under control (Galatians 5:13). In a godly relationship, both people are free to love each other and to be themselves because neither is using or manipulating the other.

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A believer who sees his need for self-control so he can take responsibility for his own actions and not encroach on others will seek the Lord’s help for growth in this character trait. Boundaries are a fruit of submitting to God’s will, and He will enable us to make godly choices.

Boundaries can be difficult to establish because saying “no” may have been off-limits or mistakenly taught as being ungodly. God says to tell the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). God tells us to humbly control ourselves, lovingly confront sin, graciously accept others, and overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Plus, He promises wisdom in every circumstance (James 1:5).

Being Christ-like means we can say “no” in unselfish, helpful ways. Sometimes, love requires us to say “no” to those we love. For example, if a family member is abusing alcohol at a family gathering, then it is Christ-like to tell him not to do so. A proper boundary has then been set. If the response is to get angry, leave, and never come back, then that person simply was not able to respect the boundary. It is not sinful to say “no” to someone if he is crossing personal boundaries in harmful and destructive ways. Every boy or girl on a date should have clear boundaries that must not be crossed.

Why Setting Boundaries Is Important

Personal boundaries are what define your identity. They’re like the property lines around a home. This is my property, and that is not my property. This is me — what I value, am good at, believe, need, or feel — and that is not me.

To know yourself and be secure that you are loved is essential to all relationships and activities. The better your boundaries of self-awareness and self-definition are the greater your capacity to offer empathy and love to others. Good boundaries help you to care for others because you have a stable foundation to operate from and are not distracted or depleted by personal insecurities or blind spots. (That’s why it’s not “selfish” or unloving to have boundaries and “take care of yourself.”)

Problems Setting Boundaries

Tired caregivers often have trouble saying no and avoid speaking the truth about love. They are more readily drawn into trying to rescue other people, and without realizing it, may end up enabling selfish or irresponsible behavior in the people they’re trying to help. They may get so enmeshed with the people they care for, trying to continue to please them and walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting them, that they “lose themselves.” They lose track of what they need and what’s important to them, or what God has called them to do. At some point they may realize that they’re not being their true, God created and God redeemed self.

Usually, people who minister to others as pastors or counselors are sensitive-hearted and prone to take on other people’s problems. If they don’t have clear personal boundaries and limits, they get weighed down and walked on. Eventually, they start having problems with anger, resentment, stress overload, or burnout. They just can’t continue being so helpful and caring all the time!

Setting Boundaries in Jesus’ Way (Why He Didn’t Burnout!):

Jesus Accepted His Personal Limits (Part of His Incarnation)

• Meeting His Personal Needs. He ate healthy foods, got the sleep he needed, and even took naps, took time to relax, and did a lot of walking (Matthew 26:18, 20; Mark 1:16, 3:23, 4:38; Luke 7:36; John 10:40, 12:2).
• Receiving Support from Friends. He sought the company of friends (Matthew 26:36-38).
• Enjoying Solitude. He withdrew from the crowds to go away on retreat, alone or with friends.
• Enjoying the Moment (These people, this place, this time). He left one city to go to another because he couldn’t be in two places at the same time (Mark 1:38).
• Unhurried Pace of Life. He was never in a hurry, except to go to Jerusalem and embrace his cross (John 11:6; Mark 10:32).
• Abandoning Outcomes to God. Jesus was tempted to become paralyzed with fear about the cross. Satan and his demons, along with many people who hated him, were trying to kill him. Would he make it to the cross to die for us, to be “lifted up” publicly so it would draw people to God? He let go. He chose not to force things, but to trust the Father’s will. To the Father, he abandoned the outcomes of his sufferings and trials to come, as he always did. (Mark 14:32-42)

Jesus Said No to Inappropriate Behavior

• Demands. He withdrew from the crowds who wanted him, for one-on-one time with the Father (Luke 5:15-16).
• Abuse. He fought his way through the crowd that was trying to throw him off a cliff for claiming to be the Messiah  (Luke 4:28-30).
• Entitlement. He didn’t give in to his mother and brothers who tried to use their relationship with him to pull him away from the crowd he was ministering to (Matthew 12:46-50).
• Baiting Questions. When the religious leaders asked him baiting questions to make him look foolish, he answered with incisive questions of his own (Matthew 21:23-27, 22:15-22).
• Cynicism. He said no to Herod’s mocking demand, “Show us a sign that you are the Son of God.” (Luke 23:8-9).
• Manipulation. He said no to Peter and the disciples who had an inappropriate agenda for Jesus to be a political king or military warrior rather than a sacrificial lamb. (Matthew 16:23).
• Pride. He didn’t heal those who were too proud to trust Him (Matthew 13:58).

Jesus Spoke the Truth in Love to Those Stuck or Wrong

• Exploitation. He used a whip to clear out the temple of the vendors and money changers who were taking advantage of the poor and turning God’s house into a marketplace (Matthew 21:12-17, John 2:12-16).
• Addiction. He told the Rich Young Ruler that he couldn’t help him until he gave away the money that was controlling him (Matthew 19:16-21).
• Misguided. He rebuked the disciples who tried to keep the little children away from him and told them that they needed to emulate the children’s faith (Matthew 19:13-15).

Jesus Had Expectations for People in Need

• What do you want? Two blind men called out to him for help from the Jericho road.  He asked them, “What do you want me to do for you?”  They needed to ask for what they needed and they needed to trust Him (Matthew 20:29-34).
• Do you want to get well? For 38 years the invalid at the Sheep Gate pool hadn’t been able to get into the miracle waters.  He felt helpless and sorry for himself.  He expected someone to fix his problem.  Jesus challenged him, “Do you want to get well?… Get up!  Pick up your mat and walk.” It was up to him to be motivated and to take responsibility for himself (John 5:1-14).
• Do you believe it? A father sought deliverance for his son who was mute and had seizures and said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”  Jesus put it back on the Father, “`If you can’?  Everything is possible for him who believes.”  The father needed to believe that Jesus could cure his son (Mark 9:17-27).

Jesus Offered Grace and Truth According to the Need (John 8:1-11)

• The humble and broken. To the woman caught in adultery, he offered grace (“Neither do I condemn you.”) and truth (“Go and sin no more.”).
• The proud and self-righteous. To the Pharisees who tried to condemn this woman and to trap Jesus, he listened (grace) and then confronted their pride and scapegoating with the truth (“Let him who is without sin throw the first stone.”)

Jesus Taught Us Examples of How to Be Setting Boundaries

• Personal Prayer Time: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6).
• Be Honest and Direct (Don’t Pressure People or Try to Get Them to Do Things): “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).
• Set Priorities: “No servant can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13).
• Please God, Not People: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44).
• Obey God: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  ‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “’ The first,’ they answered” (Matthew 21:28-31).

How did this post speak to you? Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? Every day is an opportunity to come to him and experience a rebirth. After you do pray for a place where you are baptized by submersion. Also, take a look at the other posts on this page, share them, subscribe, and read your Bible. I encourage you to look up the Scriptures shared here and study their contexts and other related passages from the Bible. Meditate and pray. Ask Jesus to teach you to live your life in the way that he would if he were you. Remember that we can only do all of this with the help of the Holy Spirit, we don’t have to do it or can not do it in our own strength.

Fruits of the Spirit post: https://less-of-me-more-of-you.com/2021/03/25/fruits-of-the-holy-spirit/

Gifts of the Spirit free document: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1by_ZUoAXL7laKroPJFLr5Tmc8vG431U6Ok5pZDNGDJk/edit

Free Bible app:  https://j794q.app.goo.gl/a4XN9imHdq2EMVjv6

Free series called the chosen: http://www.angel.com/watch/the-chosen